Talking about feelings is weird. Adults tend to think that they can rationalize a child’s feelings away. “You shouldn’t feel anxious, because this party is full of people you already know!” “Don’t feel lonely, don’t you know you have us!”
I never thought about the effect that these innocent invalidations do to a child. It’s a constant dismissal of their feelings and body experience. The adult is saying that what the child is feeling is irrelevant and illogical. And the takeaway is “you are wrong to feel this way, fix it”. Without any guidance on what to fix or how. Bizarre. The adult may have said “Don’t feel lonely, it’s bothering us” to the same effect.
The other weird thing is you learn about all these other complex emotions as an adult. But if you grew up in a household that did not let you express/enjoy emotions, they’re effectively meaningless. My own experience was that as an, admittedly hyperactive kid, I would be shamed and sometimes beat for being too excited/too happy/ too X. I’d later get diagnosed for ADHD at the age of 34, but that’s another story. In such a household, you learn to numb your emotions. And despite learning what each emotion word should mean, you do not wholly understand what it means to feel that emotion. It weird.
When I read things that say “that was a big emotion, how did you handle it?”, I find it hits me harder than “that sounds depressing, how did you handle it”. Because big emotion captures the emotional experience better than nuanced words for my emotionally-addled-brain.
The question started with “how come you empathize with others, but not yourself”. Because I know to be watching for others’ emotions (that was the role I played at home). But I never did that for myself. So while I can recognize and be there for others’ emotional moments, I was deaf to my own.
True weirdness.